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  • Writer's picturePanthergirl

Beam me up to another hotel please!

I know I promised part two of Croatia (Zagreb leg) next but while I'm preparing that, decided to share a bizarre hotel experience that happened just before my weekend in Portugal.

For the first time ever, I gave a "poor"rating on Trip Advisor. The lucky winner was the CitizenM Hotel at Schipol. (had a very early flight on Friday morning so it seemed prudent to spend the night at the airport, preferably not camped out on a bench).

First, let me preface this by saying it's not a "poor" hotel in terms of cleanliness or style. In fact it's kind of cool if you don't mind getting off the elevator and thinking you've booked a room that might be featured on an episode of Storage Wars. As my mother would say about an ugly baby, "It's different."

If you're spending a night near the airport to catch an early flight, AND YOU ARE's probably fine. But you really have to know what you're in for if you stay here with another human being.

Strangely enough, the beds are quite big and comfy! Great if one large person were staying in each room. The problem with that assumption is that a very large person would not fit into either the Toilet Tube or Shower Tube, positioned very non-strategically within the room itself. That's right, there's no separate bathroom/toilet.

If you're traveling with a friend, as I was, even if you don't mind sharing a King Sized bed your intimacy level will jump a few notches after a night here. The Shower Tube is clear plexiglass and while the Toilet Tube has frosted glass for "privacy", the frosting is on the wrong side. You can't see out of the tube, but your new best friend will be treated to a lovely view of you sitting on the throne whether she wants it or not.

Privacy issues aside, the whole sink, shower and toilet arrangement are cramped and annoying. And whatever you do, don't plan to hang many items as there's no closet. Just a couple of hangers on a hook near the hatch, er... I mean "door".

My friend and I enjoy a lot of laughs on our travels together, so I'd say this place certainly provided that. But if it's comfort and a wee bit of privacy you want when you wee, this isn't the place for you.

Don't believe me?

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